Melissa Rivers Shits the Bed

We hate the title of this article, but after a week of careful thought, we decided — “Melissa Rivers Shits the Bed” — is precisely what happened this week on Celebrity Apprentice.  We wrote about the Rotten Rivers Sisters here in a previous article — and while we are thrilled to learn of Joan’s red herring that Melissa made it to the end — we are still left distraught and stinking by Melissa crapping all over everyone on the show.

Melissa Rivers is an ugly beast of a woman — inside and out and all around — and we can see how her mother spoiled her shitless and the rest of us have to clean up after her.

The reason Melissa shat the bed was simple:  She is terrified of poker player Annie Duke.  Annie is smart, brilliant and a hard worker.  She knows how to play the game.  She is tough.

Both Joan and Melissa recognized Annie was their only real competition on the show, and so, they set out together to mother-daughter tag team her to death.  Unfortunately for the Rivers Sisters, Annie saw them coming and rebuffed them with calm and intelligence.

The Rivers Sisters exploded.

Annie Duke was untouchable.

The only thing left for the Rivers Sisters to do was to throw a stinking temper tantrum and neither one of them disappointed us.

We can only hope Joan honors her threat to not return next week after walking off the show with her putrid sense of a daughter.